The Prayer to End All Prayers

Dear God,

Since you're all all-knowing and all powerful, I assume that there is no need to pray to you anymore, seeing as how you know everything I want and need and can ever want and need. I assume that because of this, by now, there is no need to pray to you anymore because you have already made your mind concerning whatever it is that I ask you for. So why do people pray? I heard it makes them feel better, but then again, so does ecstasy and porn. Besides, it's only a matter of time before you start to feel better anyway. Well, never mind. Why did I ask that question? Since you know everything, you would know that I would ask this question, and you decided not to answer this prayer, and since you decided not to answer this prayer, there is no need to pray to you (at least about this). Sometimes I feel a bit silly praying to you, kind of like I'm asking the Tooth Fairy to put quarters under my pillow, or for Santa Claus to bring me a Christmas gift. But then again, I never believed in Santa Claus. My dad burst that bubble early and told me that Santa committed suicide, kind of like you did, except it was more like human sacrifice, but if you can't believe in the guy who is supposed to give you gifts every year, how can you believe in the guy who is supposed to give you eternal salvation, with no record to show for it. Hell, at least Santa brought gifts. All you offer is the promise to be able to do as much evil as I can in the world, and before I die, I can repent and say that I believe in you, and I'll go to Heaven, and if not, well......... we know what happens. So I just want to say that God, this is a very tempting offer, one I'm almost willing to take, except that I realized that when I die, I kind of just...die. I can't really experience death. So as much as that giant bonfire known as Hell scares me, I realize that I'll probably never experience it, and so, I'm not scared. But why bring me to this world? You're all knowing. You know if I'm going to Hell or not. But, I'll keep praying to you.I just want to let you know that, I'm not your enemy. You kind of have this Godfather mentality, like you don't wipe out everyone, just your enemies. I mean if you succeed with this full scale genocide, you know, putting everyone who doesn't believe you into Hell, that's like billions of people. You will have put every mass murderer to shame. And I can't compete. So, let's make a deal. You have a limited time frame,which will be my entire life, to work miracles and all that, and maybe I'll believe in the Trinity. The only problem is, how will I know you won't renege on the deal? I mean , I can only really meet you when I'm dead, and like I said before, I can't really experience death, so you have to offer me something else. So like Corleone (hey, I'm coming from a place that I feel you can understand) said, "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," but until then God, until you can really give me an offer I can't refuse, the only Trinity may be me, myself, and I.